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The global quest to finally prove Shaq's existence
In a recent archaeological uncovering, an international team of archaeologists were baffled to discover an ancient Roman mosaic hidden inside a secret room below Gallery B4. The room, which astonished archaeologist Dr. Jeannette Howard, was constructed in an immaculate Late Republican style that displays fine pieces of lapis lazuli and alabaster shipped from as far afield as Nubia. Until recently, it was assumed under standard Shaquillean Theory that Shaq had only played a minor part in Roman mythology but this new discovery, depicting him in a heroic pose akin to that usually reserved for Mars, suggests that his followers may have been nearly as numerous, at least in the frontier regions of the empire. From what can be interpreted thus far, Shaq’s presence is meant to imbue a sick dunk against a cowering opponent, much as fertility idols during the same period were meant to help women conceive. Shaq’s posture and front facing pose insure the viewer is confronted by the raw, intimidating power of his offensive abilities. For years, establishment historians have baselessly rejected the idea that Shaq could play such an integral and important part in many of the great ancient civilizations. For the first time however, those who had doubted SHAQ now doubt themselves. The TRUTH is out there and it waits to be discovered.
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August 2018
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