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The global quest to finally prove Shaq's existence
Along with The Big Bang and finding the G-spot, the fate of the dinosaurs is one of mankind's greatest mysteries. There have been several theories thrown out throughout the years. Was it a meteor? A volcano? Were the dinosaurs actually invented by the Hollywood Jews in 1924 in order to give film producers new and exciting subject matter for their future films, eventually leading to the release of the incredibly successful, Jewish-directed blockbuster of "Jurassic Park"? All of these are plausible theories. However, my eyes have opened to a brand new perspective that has never occurred to me before. According to my uncle, a former scientist, the dinosaurs may have been eradicated by the Big Aristotle himself, Shaquille O'Neal. He told me that while watching television, he told me that he witnessed the great Shaquille using his furious dunking abilities against dinosaurs, specifically Raptors. Upon further investigation, I found a clip of what he was talking about, and the truth was right in front of me. Based on this evidence alone, we have sufficient information to prove that Shaq was the one who killed the dinosaurs. As for his motives, those are still unconfirmed. Perhaps he wanted to prove himself to be the superior being. Perhaps he was trying to protect this planet from the nationalist bigotry of the dinosaurs. Perhaps one day, we may finally learn his motive. Until then, thank you for reading, and always remember to Stay O'Woke.
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August 2018
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